Regrets..!!!

It’s such a relaxing day, not much work to do.. listening to songs on TV, and suddenly a wave of sadness arises in your heart.

I feel sad.. i regret leaving all my hobbies behind.. not being able to be in touch with friends frequemtly.. not being able to meet the people you love frequently.. it’s like your whole life is just changed. And you feel like no one can do anything for you. NOT ONE PERSON.

When i see girls dancing on TV, or when i see my cousin going to her Kathak classes every weekend, i feel sad.. i am disappointed with myself.. i regret leaving my dance classes.. Same is the case with my music class.. i love singing.. Now, i know that i do not have a good voice, and i am not that good singer also.. but i really like singing.. it is the only stress buster i’ve got.. And sadly i have stopped that also..

i have reduced my reading … i haven’t read any books lately.. nor have i bought one since a past few days..

It’s like someone has cut off my wings.. like no freedom… I cannot do things that i feel i want to do.. and it happens again..

A sudden surge of sadness takes over my heart.. and i am back to being upset..!!!!

 

PRIORITIES….!!!!

Why is it so difficult to accept?? Not all the people you know have their priorities set in life..!! Not all people know how and when the priorities change?? And it is a fact, that when you have your priorities set, you are bound to hurt people and they hurt you in turn.. May it be unintentionally.. How do you feel when you have done everythung for the people you love the most.. And in turn he does not appreciate the effort u’hv put into?? Did you ever face such a circumstance, where for an important event in your life, you’ve compromised your friends, relaltions, hobbies, even your career.. And no one appreciates..!! Not even the person who knows how much his appreciation would mean to you..!! How do u deal with the frustration..!! Sleep deprived nights, non stop thinking, rising anger for that person, the fear of being disappointed again..!! Do u ever feel that?? How could i try to do something new n different irrespective of knowing i will be disappointed once again…??? Do i even stop trying??

Is life always like this?? Do u get everything u want in life ever?? I am a dreamer.. I love dreaming.. I wish my life could be the one in my dream.. But, i know.. It cannot be the same.. Rather i dnt expect it to be the same.. I just want small happy moments that i could cherish in my life forever..  I am an adjustice type of person.. But that doesnt mean i adjust my whole life..?? Right..!! I m sick of being on the second choice.. This is endless..!! I can go uotp limits to talk on this..!! Whhhhhhaaaaaa…!!! 😦 😦 😦

Tu Toh Na ayyeee teri Yaad Sataye..!!!

It’s been a long and tiring day…!!!  It was one of those days in which the tiniest bump or the wrong choice of song had tears in my eyes… i was tired.. yet went to deliver a parcel to an aunt.. came back home tired and hungry… miserable…. Called J before leaving the office and was told that he would be late..!! Oh God..!!! Why today..!! It’s been the same for the past few days..!! J’s very busy.. and i am left feeling bad for him.. waiting for him at home..!! I was frustrated.. And exhausted..!!

I know this is a bad timing about rants.. I knw he works really hard at his office.. I know I can’t expect him to be home always when I am there.. I get that..!! But these few days, have been really bad for me,,.!!  We are not able to talk.. we see each other for just an hour or so… sometimes I m asleep when he’s back from office.. he leaves early.. I know it’s not his fault..!! But then it’s not mine either..!!! I don’t feel good till we talk.. and that is what making my life hell right now..!!

December seems a very busy month for me.. loads of things to do..!! loads of tjhings to plan.. with  relatives visiting sometime in the 2^nd week, and their being the first visit after our marriage,,.. I feel anxious.. having to manage 15 people at once.. for the first time.. I’m having JITTERS..!!! seriously..!! It’s kind of a big responsibility..!!! I dnt knw what to say..!!

And after a long wait, the guy shows up at midnight..!! exhausted and tired..!! and not even feeling well..!!! Oh.. my poor hubby..!!! seeing his state, my heart melted away..!!! Now what can I say to him..!!!

Today, he’s down with fever..!! and yet he’s gone to work..!! ##$##$ .. well!! That was for his employer.. for making my hubby work so hard..!! I so wish we both could be at home…!! Sigh..!!!

Hoping he feels better soon..!!!

Meanwhile, when I was waiting for him to be back from office, this song came to my mind..!!! and it really shows my condition…

Din dhal jaye haye rat naa jaye

 Tu toh naa aaye teree yad sataye

 

 Pyar me jinke sab jag chhodha, aur huye badnam

 Unake hee hatho hal huwa yeh, baithe hai dil ko tham

 Apne kabhee the abb hain paraye, din dhal……

 

 Aisee rim-jhim aisee puhare, aisee hee thee barsat

 Khud se juda aur jug se paraye, ham dono the sath

 Phir se woh sawan abb kyon naa aaye, din dhal…….